4 Miles is 4 Miles

OK, so on Friday my fever finally broke and I started feeling better. And it was time to face the decision of whether to show up for the team long-run Saturday morning. For no better reason than that I couldn't stand staring at these four walls for another day, I decided to go. I thought maybe just showing up would make me feel better. If I put in a slow mile or two, all the better.

I talked to the coach before running, and her advice was to take it slow, and if I felt like it was too much to stop and go home to bed. The rest of the team was running 6-8 miles. I decided I'd only run four.

I took it really easy and walked a few of the hills. I had to keep repeating in my mind, "no pride today... no pride" so that I wasn't bothered by all the people passing me. As bad as I felt, I still found myself starting to pick up the pace. It was a real challenge to keep my pace as slow as I felt it should be. I did allow myself to pick up the pace when I came upon walkers. I knew they might actually be going faster than me, so I tried to put enough distance between us that it would be a while before I'd have to deal with them. Really. I was going that slowly.

I felt pretty good afterwards -- better than when I started, to my surprise. The coach checked in with me as soon as she saw me to see how I did. I told her it had been more of a mental struggle than a physical one.

After the run, we all reassembled at the YMCA for a Connection to the Cause breakfast, where several of our honored teammates spoke about their struggles with cancer. The point was to bring us all back to the reason we were showing up at the crack of dawn on Saturday mornings in the first place. The timing was perfect for me, because lately I've had tunnel vision focusing on my running and have been completely ignoring my fundraising obligations, even though I'm only halfway to my goal.

In addition the the honored teammates, they had an oncology nurse talk to us about how our efforts directly affected the cancer patients she worked with -- not just their health, but their well-being. She told us of the wonderful show of thanks she got from her patients as she trained with TNT for the Chicago Marathon last year, and how much it meant to them to know that there were people like us out there working for their cause.

Later, as I talked to my mom on the phone about the team run and the meeting, it occurred to me that what I had done that morning was no small feat. I had run four miles while not feeling well. And it was only a few weeks ago that four miles seemed like quite an accomplishment to me.

And then I thought about one of our honored teammates, diagnosed with cancer at 22, and his struggle to get back into running after getting a clean bill of health from his doctor. He had always loved to run, but couldn't run at all while he was in treatment. His mother had trained with TNT during that time and walked the Bermuda Marathon around the same time that he finished his treatment. Her progress in training, he told us, paralleled his progress in healing. He had promised her that he would train for a marathon too when he was strong enough. And together, last year, they finished the San Diego Marathon.

For a moment, my four mile run with a bad cold paled in comparison. But only for a moment. Because, for me, running four miles at all is an accomplishment, let alone with a bad cold. We all have our limits and our challenges, and we deal with them as they come the best that we can. And right now my challenge is the flu, or a cold, or bronchitis, or whatever this relentless bug is. And just showing up for TNT training today made me feel better.

And that's what I love about this program. It's good for everyone involved.

Sorry -- didn't mean to get all sappy on you there. I blame the Nyquil.