Taking Inventory

So much has happened since my last entry:

I’ve been accepted to Ohio State for the master’s program in Speech-Language Pathology and into their new Singing Health Specialty. So I’ll be moving to Columbus, Ohio. Still can’t quite believe it.

Also, I aced my Master Teacher tests in the Estill Voice Training System. I’m not technically a Master Teacher until I’m observed teaching all 13 of the Figures in the System, and that could take a while. But I sure know a lot about the voice now. My own teaching has improved greatly. The feedback I get from students is all positive so far. And I love teaching. I hope I always get to do it, even while I’m in school. I think it actually raises the dopamine levels in my brain. Seriously.

So those are two big accomplishments for me. They both took a lot of work, and there is a lot of work yet to be done (in fact, an entire graduate program!). And all of this work has left little time for a social life of any kind. In fact, last week when I took a trip to New York, one of my friends there asked me what I do for fun in State College. Do I frequent the college bars? Where do I hang out? Have I made new friends? Am I dating anyone?

Hmmm. Can we go back to talking about how well I’m doing professionally?

Let’s face it. Professionally things are looking great. Personally, I’m nowhere. I haven’t been on a date in months. There was someone I almost went on a date with a few months back, but then – well, I got busy.

But now that the Master Teacher test is behind me, and now that I’ve been accepted to grad school – I kind of don’t know what to do with myself. I’m so used to being super busy pursuing those goals. And now that I’ve achieved them and have a few weeks before my summer classes begin (I have to take four prerequisites this summer), I find myself unable to continue ignoring the fact that I have no life.

So what do you do about that? I guess I could go to one of the bars in town and try to meet someone. But I really really don’t want to. Please don’t make me. That’s never been my thing. I hate the bar scene.

OK, so barring that (no pun intended), what’s to be done? Well, I updated my online dating profile. And I did a search – seems there are no new guys out there in this small town, only the same ones I wasn’t interested in meeting the last time I looked.

So now what?

Some ideas:

1. I’m a singer and voice teacher, right? Maybe if I just start going out to see bands and performers, rather than thinking of it as going out to bars (even though most of these performers are bound to be in bars). It’s an idea.
2. I’ve been known to run from time to time. I could look into local running clubs, 5Ks, etc. I met some great people doing that before. Could happen again. And maybe I could actually get back into shape doing that. Maybe lose a few pounds. Or twenty.
3. Speaking of that, I could always join Weight Watchers and actually go to the meetings instead of hiding out in their online program (life is so comfy online, don’t you think?). I bet I’d meet people in those meetings. And I know we’d have something in common! Not the best way to meet men, I suppose, but at least it would be showing up somewhere. The danger of working from home is that you never have any reason to leave!
   

I do belong to the YMCA, and honestly, I’ve seen a good number of guys there that I’d consider going out with if they asked. Very cute, fit guys. Probably about 10 years too young for me, but who cares? If only one of them would get up the nerve to talk to me. I sympathize with them. I know it’s hard to approach someone like me. My startling good looks and sparkling personality can be somewhat intimidating.

OK, fair enough, I could approach them. But come on! Do I have to do all the work here?!

I guess part of the problem may be a low confidence level – even for me. I mean, in some ways I feel more comfortable with myself than I ever have. I feel like I’m finally on a great path with a bright future. I feel like I know myself better than I ever have. But then I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

I’m in what I like to call my Alan Shore phase. Alan Shore is a character on Boston Legal, a TV show that I’ve recently been watching on DVD (we don’t have cable here) starring James Spader. James Spader was one of (or often appeared with) the “Brat Pack” of the 1980s (ah, the 80s). He usually played the slimy guy we weren’t supposed to like. But I often preferred his characters to the saccharine sweet leading men. Spader, a great actor, went on to have an interesting movie career highlighted by Sex, Lies and Videotape and Secretary. But to me, he will always be Steff in Pretty in Pink – the rich snob in love with the girl from the wrong side of the tracks. Ashamed to admit it, he tortures her and anyone else who shows any interest in her. He’s truly despicable. (I know – yet more evidence that I have terrible taste in men.)

Anyway, this is how I will always think of James Spader, circa 1986 (below).
































And here he is as Alan Shore (above).

No matter how many episodes I watch, I can't get used to today's James Spader. I can't help but see the younger, thinner Spader of the Brat Pack days.














And no matter how often I see myself in pictures or in the mirror, I can't help but look for the younger, thinner Joanna (above).
















So this is my Alan Shore phase (above).

Strangely enough, Spader's Alan Shore always gets the girl. He never has a successful relationship, but he has lots of – um – dates (I have to keep in mind while writing this that my parents read it). So maybe there is hope for me yet! Even in my Alan Shore phase!

(To be fair, I snapped that picture with my computer just after I woke up. So maybe that's not the fairest comparison. But you get the idea.)