Week Three

About eight years ago, when I was living in New York, my therapist told me that the chocolate manufacturers put something in the chocolate to make you want more and more. So that the more you ate, the more you wanted. She said that it was especially true with the poorer quality stuff, and that the lower the cocoa content in the chocolate, the more your tongue craved bite after bite after bite.

But then, she also let her pet bird fly freely around her apartment and crap all over her strange paintings. So what did she know.

Progress Note - Week Three


Gym: 3 times

Miles: 6 Running, 12 Hiking = 18 miles total

Running: I don't feel quite as wimpy as I did last week. Usually just about half way into the last five-minute segment of running, I start to feel like I can get to the end of that five minutes. Although the preceding 3- and 5-minute segments felt like they might kill me. It makes me wonder if maybe I should have started from the beginning of the plan. (What a concept.) Maybe I'll repeat last week's routine this week.

Hiking: The 3-mile hikes actually feel a lot less grueling than they used to. Except on the nights that I do the hike after going to the gym. Those nights are exhausting. Those nights it feels like all I do in life is go to work and exercise. If it weren't for my adorable 80-pound puppy making me smile, it might all feel pretty pointless.

Food: Not bad actually. Lots of chicken and rice, lots of greens, a lot less chocolate. Until today. Today I made brownies for my dog-sitter's birthday. The cupcakes last week were for her too, but she kept having to cancel, so I ate them all eventually. Today, she canceled again. So here I am with a pan of brownies. I'd be lying if I said I ate fewer than 6. And I have to say, she's had her last chance for a birthday treat.

Hunger: Not too bad. I think I'm starting to recognize the difference between cravings and hunger. My tongue is really mad at me most of the time.

Cravings: Lots and lots. Spicy food seems to help -- kills all sensation after one reasonably sized portion. Although my reflux isn't thrilled with this new craving-killing scheme.

Willpower: Improved. Until today. But even today felt different with the brownies. It almost felt more like a habit, putting one in my mouth after the other, rather than a craving. But I did notice that it was really only when I didn't know what to do next that I wanted a brownie. Between projects, between tasks -- all that fun weekend stuff -- when I wasn't sure what I was going to do next... laundry, cleaning, taxes, budget... or maybe napping for a while -- when I wasn't sure, I wanted a brownie. Moments of insecurity, apparently. Perhaps that says a lot about me and food. Perhaps it says absolutely nothing.

Weight loss: Apparently 3 pounds, if you trust the scale. I'm in week three, so that's normal -- one pound per week. That's what I was hoping for. But the three pound weight loss appears to have occurred over the course of 2 days. Hmm.

So it occurs to me that with a 30-pound weight-loss goal, I ought to have a few shorter term goals. I don't know if these are appropriate, but here's what I've come up with:

Five pounds by April 14.

Ten pounds by May 19.

Fifteen pounds by June 23.

Twenty pounds by July 28.

Twenty-five pounds by September 1.

Thirty pounds by October 6.

I'm most nervous about April 14. It seems like it's right around the corner, and I just don't feel like much is really happening yet. And I'm not convinced that I won't get on the scale tomorrow to find that I haven't lost a pound, or have gained it all back.

Fucking brownies.