Gesundheit

I'm finally in Philadelphia. It feels great to be here. I'm feeling unusually optimistic and -- well -- blessed.

I hesitate to use the word "blessed." That word always makes me cringe a little bit. Something about it seems to imply favoritism -- as if God looked down and said "Today Joanna shall have more than the others." And I've also noticed that people who use the word "blessed" seem to use it willy nilly -- as in, "Canned tuna is on sale! I feel so blessed."

I even hesitate to say "bless you" when someone sneezes. I'm not sure I have the power to bless someone. In fact, I assume that "bless you" is short for "God bless you," which always felt inappropriate to me. I mean, who am I to tell God what to do? I barely have a relationship with the man (or woman -- or whatever).

So to say that I'm feeling "blessed" goes against my grain. Maybe it's the Libra in me -- the need for fairness and justice -- maybe I feel like, if I'm blessed, then someone else won't be. Like on Pushing Daisies when the Pie Maker brought someone back to life and, as a result, someone else had to die. Like there is a limited supply of blessings, and when the pot is empty -- that's it.

However, I stopped using the word "lucky" a few years ago too, so that's out. To me, lucky implies that I had little to do with my own circumstances -- that my efforts were meaningless. That perhaps I was even undeserving of said luck. No - "lucky" is out.

So if not lucky, and if not blessed, then what? In spite of being broker than broke, in spite of the fear and anxiety that comes with moving to a new city and starting a new job, the characteristically pessimistic Joanna feels somehow light and cautiously optimistic. It can't be ignored.

It comes down to this: People are amazing. Sometimes people really come through. And sometimes you don't even have to ask. (Mostly you do have to ask -- a particular challenge for me, and a skill I've been practicing almost non-stop for the last few months.) And to my surprise, people come through. For example:

Molly offered to help me apartment-hunt in Philly. At the time I couldn't even get off the couch, overwhelmed as I was with dread and anticipation. Just her act of offering got me motivated. And then she showed up - actually drove in from Manhattan. Not that I thought she wouldn't, but, as I said, I tend to be a little on the pessimistic side. Molly and I hadn't seen each other for a year. It was a very happy reunion. Molly was excited for me when all I could be was nervous and worried. She brought me chocolate and jelly beans. But mostly, she showed up.

Colleen offered to help me unload on move-in day. Again, I was at a low point, unable to get off the couch (partly because I was recovering from a terrible flu, but also out of the usual dread and anticipation), and again her act of offering was enough to inspire me to get moving. I hadn't seen Colleen since before I started grad school - over 2 years! She showed up, helped lug my stuff up three flights of stairs, made my bed, and best of all, helped me make decisions that I was feeling incapable of making on my own. I'm terrible at decisions in general, and I need all the help I can get. Colleen helped me with the little decisions, like where to put the dishes and where to put the bed. But more importantly, she helped me avoid some big mistakes, like when I offered to paint the apartment myself instead of letting the landlady hire professional painters. Colleen stood behind the landlady shaking her head with an unmistakable "no way, don't do it, take it back right now, stop talking immediately" look on her face. She brought me flowers and took me to lunch to celebrate my graduation, move, and new job. But mostly, she showed up.

Mom, Bill, Dad, Grandma (pictured), and Ethan, made it possible for me to get the apartment at all. In addition, Grandma gave me a week at the beach, took me to the casinos and even gave me $5 for the slot machines (which I immediately lost).

Marya called exactly at the moment that I needed her too. She reminded me that I've gotten through worse and that "nothing is insurmountable."



Barbara and Bob (pictured) had me over for dinner and a game of darts, gave me a camera for graduation, and, as always, made me feel loved, and offered to help in any other way I needed.

Vicki let me send her every apartment ad I even halfway considered and gave me feedback on the neighborhoods. She offered to let me stay with her while I apartment-hunted, which sadly never worked out, but still -- she offered. Months before I even graduated, she offered. She promised me that I would love Philadelphia, and answered every question I had about the city. And tomorrow she's having me over for dinner. Yay!

Jordan, Dana, Julia, and Scott all sent me suggestions for apartments, neighborhoods, and any other Philly information they thought might be helpful.

Amy drove in for my graduation dinner, helped me pack my apartment in Columbus, went to dinner with my crazy family, and even carried heavy boxes to the car. She took care of me when I needed it most. Amy gave me a necklace for graduation with a charm that says "love who you are" on one side and "love what you do" on the other. I'm working very hard to do both. But better than the necklace, she showed up.





Debbie showed up when I didn't. I had been in town for a few days and had been trying to get over to see her, but life kept intervening. So she just came over and made me laugh really hard.

Jen (pictured) sent me supportive text messages and repeatedly told me that everything would work out. (It's important for us "glass-half-empty" folks to have "glass-half-full" people.)

Doug and Sandy opened up their home to me so I had a place to stay while I looked for apartments. I got to stay in their beautiful new guest room where Sandy had thought of everything -- even chocolates on the bedside table. Mmmmm.

Beck let me call and vent as often as I wanted (as in, daily) when things seemed to be falling apart, and when the apartment I wanted seemed way, way, way out of my reach.

Zack offered to help me move, even though he would be giving up the days off he requested for his birthday. It didn't work out that I could move that day, but still... he offered. He and Bill (pictured here with Zack, posing as "my heroes") also helped me unload the truck at Mom's when I first moved my stuff out of Columbus.

Zack's friend Dave, who lives in Philly, offered to help out when Zack couldn't. And he did. And he was awesome. And he offered to help with the next load too. Most importantly, he showed me where the Foodery is (which is just a few blocks from my apartment and has the best beer selection in the city).

Mom, who I've already mentioned, let me crash at her place, fill her garage with everything I own, and put up with my wider-than-usual mood-swings. (Poor Mom.)

I could go on, but the orchestra is playing me off. The bottom line is that I am grateful to these people. Without them, I'd still be on the couch.

I feel like I spent the last 2 years sneezing, and finally the universe said, "Gesundheit."

So to all these people, and to the ones I've surely forgotten to mention, Gesundheit.