Ohio -- the "h" state

One time when I was bragging about how many states I've visited (46, -- all but Alaska, Hawaii, Michigan and Nevada, in case you're curious), my statistically-inclined brother Ethan asked me if I could name all 5o states. "But of course," I thought. If I've been to all but four, and I know which four I haven't been to, surely I can name all 50. So we started with the "A" states -- Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas -- and went on from there in alphabetical order. Ethan, being the genius that he is, was able to tell me how many states per letter (without looking it up, no less. If we didn't look so much alike, I wouldn't believe we were related!). Then I would use my normal sized brain to come up with the states.

This is Ethan who has a larger than normal sized brain...

This is me. No resemblance, right?

Or try to. It proved to be much more difficult than I thought it would. Did you know that there are eight "m" states, for example? Can you name them?

Aha! It's not as easy as you thought, is it?

I didn't even make it to the "M" states before my poor little noggin was worn out. Alabama through Georgia apparently did me in, because when we got to "H" (there's only the one), I couldn't think of a thing! And it's such an easy one! So I did what I usually do. I distracted him with humor.

"Hio," said I, full of confidence.

Of course I was kidding. I know that Ohio starts with an "o" (it's round on both ends and hi in the middle). And it did get a nice little laugh. But since then, any mention of Ohio has led to "the 'H' state" jokes. Which is fine with me. Especially since I've always hated Ohio.

It's not fair that I've always hated Ohio. I've never spent any time in Ohio. I think a dinner theater tour I worked for in the 90s once did a show somewhere in Ohio, but I can't even remember where. And other than that, I haven't been there except to drive through. In fact, it's driving through that led me to hate Ohio. It's just so damn big!

Ohio is 44,825 square miles. It's 220 miles across! And in addition to that, it's in the wrong place. The few times that I've driven across the country, Ohio seemed interminable. Heading away from home (home always having been somewhere east of Ohio), it's as if I'm not getting anywhere (especially when you then throw in Indiana, Illinois and Iowa); heading home, you hit Ohio and you think -- I'm practically there! 220 miles later...

But of course this is an unfair assessment of Ohio. I never stopped to look around. I never gave it a chance.

On the other hand, there is stopping to smell the roses at Franklin Park Conservatory (which I'll have to check out), and there is moving in. I never thought I'd be doing the latter.

But here I am.

And I have to say, so far so good. Granted, it's only my first night here, and tomorrow morning I might wake up and wonder what on earth I was thinking... but so far so good.