Panic: Part Two

So, it turns out that I did not gain back all the weight that I had lost. At least, if I did, I lost it all again.

Scales. I hate scales. They can't be trusted.

The shocker is that I did not go crazy and punish myself by eating until I had gained back all the weight like I usually would have. I kept going to the gym, even though it was horrifying to put on those awful, tight workout pants and walk out in front of all those gym-goers, fat spilling out over my waistband. I went.

Portions are smaller. Cravings are less extreme. Workouts are getting longer. And somewhat easier. Today I ran a few minutes at 5.4 mph. I started at 5.0 my first week. Then last week I moved up to 5.2. Now 5.4. So that's progress.

Today at the gym for the first time, I felt just a little bit thinner. Even though I haven't really lost a substantial amount of weight, I felt like my body had changed. Not in any way that anyone else can see. Not even in any way that I can see. But I do feel different. Just a tiny little bit different.

Also, I am now aware that I am teetering on the edge of obsession. Of transferring my obsession with eating to an obsession with losing weight. No surprise there. It's one of the things that has kept me from dieting in the recent past. My tendency to obsess when trying to lose weight.

So -- here we go.